The Most Annoying Voice in the World

Have you seen those stupid Dish network commercials with the Worst Father in the World and the big Cable Conflict Boxes that float around and menace his family? 

Well, in one of them there's a little boy in bed, and it starts out with him yelling "Dad?  Dad?"  And then he complains about the box, and every time it comes on my flesh crawls and I want to jab my brain out with an ice pick.

Because William has that exact same voice, and he uses it the same way.  And it's horrible.  Oh, the horror.

It's almost always at night, and I'll usually be doing something like watching TV or sitting down to a hot drink or just laying down, after he's gone to bed, and then I'll hear it:

"DaaaAAAAAaaaaaddd!"

And it's just like that, too, only it's one part zombie moan, three parts banshee wail, two parts ghostly howl, and all parts horribly annoying voice.  And I'll come in, my flesh crawling, and he'll be laying there in bed, and he'll look at me, and then what comes next is something that makes me want to immediately go from two kids to one.  It's something like:

"Do you know where the spare bullet to my Nerf shotgun is?" or

"What if there's a crocodile in the front yard?" or

"Where does the stuff you flush down the toilet go that's not water?"

You get the picture.  And then if I get mad, he gets all hurt and upset, and is all like "I'm just curious" or "you'd answer it if it was Victoria" or "you can't really throw me out of the house!"

I'd probably answer the questions, too, if it wasn't for the voice and the fact that he waits until TEN MINUTES AFTER BEDTIME to ask why Kool-aid doesn't come in water flavor.

And don't even get me started on the whole "did I tell you I have this big homework thing due in two days I haven't started?"