More Vegetables I Don't Understand

I don't know why there are so many different kinds of edible plants.  You really only need three kinds of edible plants:

1)  Poisonous ones to feed your enemies
2)  Ones you can put peanut butter in (like celery)
3)  Bananas

But for some reason, there are like sixty gazillion kinds of edibile plants.  And I don't know how to eat but about four of them.

Into this confusion steps Angela, who has joined this "Fruit and Vegetable Basket of the Month" club, which means that every other week she orders a big basket of edibile plants.  Only, she doesn't get to pick the plants, it's completely random.  And by random, I mean "there's one thing you recognize and bunch of other stuff that only vaguely looks edible."

Even worse, she orders 3 baskets, and gives two away.  What kind of person gives stuff away that they don't even know what it is?  It sounds communist, if you ask me.

(addendum: Angela would like it stated for the record that she sells them.  Probably at a loss, like all good commies.)

This weekend is a good example.  Here's what I thought we got in our basket:
1 Bananas (which is good)
2 Tomatoes (which I will suffer)
3 Celery (which goes great with peanut butter)
4 Avocado (which is poisonous, I think)
5 Apples (funny story: I used to be able to eat apples with no problem, but now when I eat them my eyes swell up and itch and I don't feel quite right, which I think means I'm allergic to them, and one day when I went all Quasimodo my boss told me he would fire me if I ate another apple at work, and I'm kind of always at work, so I stopped eating them)
6 Lettuce
7 Pears
8 Sweet Potatoes
9 Melons
10 Strawberries (which she got 83 pounds of, but that's okay because we love strawberries)
11:  Fifteen limes (which you have to drink a lot of Cerveza to go through)
12:  Carrots

I actually felt pretty good about this basket: unlike some weeks, I at least recognized all the edible plants in it.  I could eat most of them, too.

In order to be supremely efficient, I gave away the avocado right off the bat.  Then, I swapped all the apples for a melon with another person.  I was so proud of myself, that when Angela came out, I bragged "I got rid of all those apples in exchange for a melon!  See, now allergic reaction for me!"

She looks at me and goes "I'm not allergic to apples, and I like them."

D'OH!

Then she says "The children aren't allergic to apples, either."

DOUBLE D'OH!

Everything's good after that: we get home, I make a salad, it's tasty, I eat a lot of peanut butter and celery (which I think is why God created peanut butter: to go inside celery), and we have plenty of delicious strawberries.

Then tonight, she pulls open the fridge and she goes "hey, look, this is Collard Greens."

"You need a Chlorox Wipe?" I ask. "You know, to clean it up?"

"No, these," she says, holding up the lettuce.  "They're Collard Greens."

"That's lettuce," I say.  "I ate some yesterday.  I ate some today.  It's lettuce."

"Look at the label," she tells me.  "It says Collard Greens."

Is that a kind of lettuce?  Is it poisonous?  Does that explain why it tasted weird?  What the heck?

I reiterate: there are too many kinds of fruits and vegetables.  There should be less.  I shouldn't have to read to know what I'm eating!