Believe it...or not

Do you know what separates us from the animals?  Our ability to solve problems.

For instance, let's say that you like to eat peanut butter on your celery.  After you cut the celery in half, and then smear peanut butter on it, you can have up to two dirty knives (one sharp one to cut the celery, and a butter knife for the peanut butter). 

So I solved that problem using a typical human ingenuity: I just tear the celery apart and then dip it right into the peanut butter jar.  See, this is why animals are in zoos instead of people.

Now now, before you judge me, let's just realize a few things about celery: it has no taste at all, it's mostly water, and it's already straight, like a vegetable knife (the cords in it are also just like floss).

Of course, there are some people (ahem: ANGELA) who think this is wrong.  I don't really know why; I think maybe it has something to do with her general apathy towards progress.  But at any rate, this is how she chose to express her displeasure with me at dinner tonight:

"Have you been sticking the celery directly in the peanut butter?"

I mean, how do you respond to this?  So here's what I said:  "No, why do you ask?"

"Because I almost threw away the jar today because I thought it was moldy," she said.  "But then I saw it was hard, and not soft."

"Some mold is hard," I said.  "Like cheese."

"Wrong road, dad," said William.

"This wasn't mold, it was celery," she said.

"Did you notice how nice the swirl design was in the peanut butter?" I said  "You can't get designs like that with a knife.  Wasn't it nice?"

"Wrong road, dad," said William.

"If you're going to do that, could you please make sure you don't leave any celery behind?"

"I don't think I did it," I said.  "It was probably the children."

"Don't drag us into this," Victoria said.  "You're on your own."

"I promise to be more careful in the future," I said.  "Do you know where the celery is?"

But the joke's on her.  I never did admit to biting the celery off of the stalk before I dipped it into the peanut butter, which really is gross.  Not that I did that.